Homeless, Alone, Hungry and Cold: Street Junky!
I have been focusing much of my time editing the second part of Street Junky, really getting out all of my needless rabble, and marketing.
My next few posts, for the month of August, will be about my transformation from Homeless, Alone, Hungry, and Cold in NYC’s financial district to sitting behind a desk in midtown typing this blog post
A street Junky life was always so thrilling to me. The word heroin never scared me, instead, it raised curiosity to that of a cat. I needed to taste it and really find out for myself just what was so evil and beautiful about dope.
The drug was world renown, even my mother knew what heroin was and this really blows my mind.
As readers and friends know my struggle with life and death stems from my love of heroin and need to escape. Life was not always dismal and dreary. Making money(boosting, begging, or whoring), coping and shooting heroin, and nodding out were the goals of my day.
My money didn’t just appear magically each day for me to spend on heroin.
Being a street junky is not an easy existence. It is not always fun, but there always seems to be exciting. The image that comes to mind when the word, “street junky,” is heard is probably that of a crusty punk laid out on his hip, head in hands, and his eyes rolled back to the whites.
Or maybe a guy standing totally bent over weebling to and fro but never completely losing balance and tipping over.
Or a couple sitting against a wall, clothes tattered and torn, arms riddled with tracks, dried blood, and abscesses.
I am sure I have been seen in all three of those postures, but that is the end of result of hustling. My money didn’t just appear magically each day for me to spend on heroin. My habit was substantial, so I had to work long hours or I’d be sick.
Heroin addicts are strong willed and determined. Maintaining a habit is not easy nor often enjoyable, but it is a must. I owe my work ethic and ability to work long hours to my street junky lifestyle.
Consequences will be faced if there isn’t money to purchase the next fix. For the common junky most streams of easy cash dry up to a trickle. Even enablers have to say no after a while.
So if you are not an ultra-rich rock-n-roller money for heroin is a huge concern.
Don’t get me wrong. Heroin doesn’t discriminate
it works its ultra dark magic even on the ultra rich. Celebrity junkies experience unwanted consequence from the choices they make, too.
(this post isn’t about rich junkies and their attitudes though. Stick around you will hear me rant about this topic, too)
What has brought on this change and drive and motivation to get the Homeless, Alone, Hungry and Cold: Street Junky, in all of your hands.
In the past few days, I have realized several important factors about myself. I try to spend my spare moments throughout the day reading and writing. Recently I have been reading a blog called Blogging from Paradise.
Ryan Biddauph has opened my eyes and helped me see why I have been stuck for the past few months. I have been overwhelmed. I have been trying to complete to much at once.
Instead of putting all of my efforts into publishing Homeless, Alone, Hungry, and Cold: Street Junky, instead I found reasons to put in on hold.
It was possibly fear of rejection, fear of the work, fear of it sucking, etc. I found all the reasons to put it off. Now I fear I am not only harming myself or possibly not helping those whom this book might help.
In my loss of focus I once again sidestep my responsibilities to my readers. Of course there has been a new outline of my purpose and the new decisions for this part of my journey. In the past I looked at Homeless Alone Hungry and Cold as my brand. (It still is the brand.) Street Junky is the first product and my personal business card, of that brand. Unfortunately what happened and I apologize if I forgot the real reason of Street Junky. The real reason is to help others achieve their goals, succeed in life, and to overcome fear.
Fear is real! My struggles prove this to me and the world.
The new course of action for the blog and the Street Junky.
- I will start publishing blog posts in Year of the Johnny about the process and climb out of the street junky lifestyle. The world I loved and hated.
- The next 15 or so Blog posts will help to explain how my first bout with recovery failed and why the second time around is so much more productive and purposeful.
Of course I still have to follow rules that try to defeat me and my sense of purpose. I still struggle with self-limiting beliefs and doubt. I still have to use my affirmations to empower myself to write for my reader.
- Homeless Alone Hungry and Cold: Street Junky is once again my main focus and I will not let myself get sidetracked due to any fears related to the publishing of this memoir. the longer I wait the more people die and suffer from Heroin addiction. If I lived through 5 overdoses for any reason at all, maybe it is to tell this story and save one life.
Finishing Street Junky is important because it will build in me a mindset of success and completion.
It will also bring closure to the past. My past has defined me, but I no longer hold onto it as my banner. I am not this angry little child any longer seeking acceptance, approval or to belong to whoever will have me.
My goal of living out my days in a Dionysian world of pleasure is over. I succeeded for a time, but at what costs?
I realize I am not unique. Many have beat the demon heroin into submission, still, my story can help add proof that recovery is possible.
My request of all of you is to keep me accountable. Ask questions to keep me on my toes. I have learned many great life hacks in recovery. The best life hack I have learned to date is I cannot do this ALONE! I need all of you. So please help me stay on track of my goal for this month.
One of mentors and friend suggested I read Ryan Biddauph’s blog because it would help me push through the feeling of being stuck. This is why it is so important for me to keep a positive support network of peers.
The goal providing great content that will help you keep track of your goals, how relapse is cunning, and how we can all rise above our addictions and transform our lives.
Neil Young said once that “every junkie’s like a setting sun,” so let’s work together and find all that inner beauty and purpose!
So let’s begin this journey together.