Negative self-talk started me down a downward spiral of anxiety and unhappiness about having to work for someone else.
This is the last part in my series about being stuck at the crossroads pertaining to my day job and freelance writing career and how negative self-talk almost drove me mad.
I would first like to say that even though I do not shoot drugs any longer I still tend to think with the Junky Mentality– the attitude that screams I want the world and I want it NOW!
Once at the crossroads I worked at sorting out my doubt with my career. I have now expanded my possibilities, I know what I want, and I feel great about my decision. My decision is to work hard and wait. I have never feared work. I have always been able to work two jobs and stay sane. Now is the time to take the advice of Idea Giants and Mentors. I also am working daily at defeating the self-talk with affirmations, and the plan I will follow.
Now is the time to take the advice of
Idea Giants and Mentoring Wizards.
I was not sure why I chose to clog my days and nights with feelings of being overwhelmed, anxiety, and inability to work either job proficiently.
Negative self-talk was filling my head. All day long I thought about what I was doing, how I was being used, and how I was suffering.
Where did these thoughts come from?
I had a plan that I wanted to follow to successfully transition to full-time freelance writing. I was working daily at defeating the self-talk with affirmations, and the plan I wanted to follow was well thought out.
My plan was to stay on as a Senior Counselor at the program I work at for another 6 months, which would be enough time to not leave any patients high and dry and then start freelancing full-time. 6 months seemed like enough time to build a client base, save enough money to get me through rough patches in the new business, and to train myself to be consistent, healthy, and mentally sound.
The first problem I had to solve was why did I suddenly start engaging with negative self-talk about working my day job?
Because I chose to write this series of blog posts I was able to look at my decision-making process and how my thought patterns can sometimes be irrational. I had to challenge my thoughts with Rational Emotive Therapy (REBT). After some self-therapy, I had an epiphany. A few irrational thoughts were responsible for sabotaging my transitioning process.
A few irrational thoughts were responsible for sabotaging my transitioning process and using negative self-talk to defeat my goals. The thoughts were
- I was now credentialed and I should have been given a raise to reflect my new credentials
- I am now the senior counselor so why do I have to do all the groups, toxicology screens, and 3/4 of programs client caseload.
- My being advanced to a supervisory position and my colleagues are not secure in this decision.
Projection and assumptions are two dangerously self-destruction thinking patterns that undermine my success and contentment often. I sometimes feel that I am addicted to chaos and turmoil. If everything is going smoothly I tend to find a way to destroy these calm waters by throwing a huge rock into the deep end to create waves and awake. This has to do with my past, but I am getting better. At least, I am aware that I do this, so when I start projecting I have to tell myself to stop and speak positively to myself.
I was secure in my path until the (CASAC) credential appeared. The CASAC caused me to project, engage in negative self-talk, and lose focus of the path I had chosen to follow. Now that I have taken the time to dispute my assumptions I’m back on track.
I have weighed the Pros and Cons and I still feel that I could do better if I were to seek employment from a new program. My assumption once again caused me to not see the situation clearly. I am in a transitioning phase and I have to remember this. If I were to seek a change in employers it would mean
- new workloads,
- new job descriptions,
- and loss of seniority.
Even though I am quite sure that my raise I am about to get will reflect what I am worth, I will still be comfortable and able to use my time wisely. My routine works at the moment. This routine is what I originally based the process of transitioning from a clinician for a program to freelancer. I still need to follow through with the plan.Although the original date of October 1, 2017, is not critical any longer. The date I will officially transition to freelance writer/clinician is not set at the moment and this is okay.
If a new program contacts me or I see an opening for a clinician which I cannot refuse I will send a cover letter and resume. Pitching myself to new programs and getting an interview when possible is important. Keeping interview skills fresh, resume updates, and cover letters are crucial for a successful career. It is important to ask for a recommendation from my supervisor when the atmosphere is positive. When a new credential is received, or when I am advanced into a higher position within the company of employment I will ask for a letter highlighting these achievements for my records.
Wrapping it Up
I will keep a day job until I have the interview that somewhat decides how my life will be lived. Keep your fingers crossed that the outcome is beneficial to Eddie and me. My family! I will keep my head down and push harder. Providing stellar work for both my employer and my freelance writing gigs.
I appreciate all the comments and support received from everyone concerning this dilemma. Never hold back your comments especially if I benefit from the words written. Learning from whatever you feel you must say to me to help guide me along is perfect. As always, I hope the information I offer is helpful and entertaining.